Week 40/41 – The Waiting Game

(I am writing this later than 40 weeks! Found I had no time in the last couple of weeks to fill in my blog! I am so slack!)

At 40 and 41 weeks I found myself going from anticipation to emotional crying, as I felt I was so ready to be a mum, and just wanted things to get moving. I had kept myself busy walking around shops (air con!), watching Game of Thrones with Justin (who came down before Christmas) drinking copious amounts of Raspberry Leaf Tea (see previous blog – supposed to help with labour), swimming and generally expecting every tiny twinge to become impending labour like see in the movies. Okay, I was a bit more realistic than expecting to be in a shopping centre and my waters to break and to start screaming ‘the baby’s coming! Get hot towels!’, but one could only hope.
But, things don’t go to plan. As it turned out I didn’t get to go into labour naturally which was a little disappointing, as at 11 days overdue my lovely Doc decided to induce for baby’s safety and mine. Basically if some babies get ‘overcooked’ there can be issues with placenta not doing its job and things can go wrong in some cases (Note: SOME cases! Many women go overdue by weeks and are just fine, as is bub!) But we decided to take doc’s advice, not being medically trained ourselves. So we booked in for Sunday night in the hospital. I still had preconceived notions that my birth plan (or ‘guidelines’ as we like to call them) could continue unscathed.

Our birth plan:

Natural labour
No drugs
Hypnobirthing
Waterbirthing

(Here’s a hint – didn’t go exactly to plan)

So on Sunday Night at 7.30, Justin and I loaded our bags (and baby’s bags) into the car and set off for the hospital for the most epic journey we would ever take. It was our last car ride as a married couple with no kids – next time I was in the car the little seat in the back would be filled with a gorgeous bouncing baby girl. We couldn’t wait – a wonderous and overwhelming experience awaited us in the next twenty four hours.

Rhona: The Singing Whale, and other stories..

Week of Pregnancy: 37. Holy Bejezus I only have three weeks of non-mummy time left! :)

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Still a watermelon, just a larger one!

Cravings/Aversions: My stomach hates everything and wants to expel it as quickly as possible, unless it is an iceblock. Also, I hate the heat and stairs.

Kick Counter: Still jammed in the ribs, head on bladder, and punching my insides repeatedly J YAY!

So this week has been semi-hectic, as all ‘last weeks’ are. Yesterday I finally headed down to the Sunshine Coast (six hours from Biloela) to stay close to my Obstetrician and chosen hospital in case the big day arrives early! Of course, now it’s not actually early, as Muffin is FULL TERM! WOO! Despite this, I doubt she’ll make an appearance until late December or early January! Being a first time mum, I’m trying not to get worked up over all the little ‘signs’ that baby is going to arrive soon! Signs include:

-          Muffin has ‘dropped’ into my lower pelvis to get engaged for birthing.

-          Braxton Hicks contractions (‘practise’ contractions that are not painful, but make your tummy feel like the consistency of a basketball) are much more frequent – gone from a noticeable 2 times a day, to at least six – eight. But, as I said, not painful, just uncomfortable!

-          Have to pee all the time. Like – ALL the time. There is no time when it feels like I don’t need to pee – even when I have just gone. Baby’s head/something is resting on my bladder and muscles! The tiniest amount of liquid makes me need to go. Awesome.

-          Backache – Though I attribute this to the baby dropping lower in my tummy, backache can signal labour, according to my doc.

-          Other gross signals involving the bowels and cervix that I won’t write about on here. (Click here if you want to know)

So, as I said, not really fussing about all these ‘signs’ (which ultimately could mean nothing!!) and I’m going to wait until a) waters break, b) contractions begin or c)the baby pops out before I actually believe labour is impending. Much less stressed about the whole thing now that I’m down on the coast – but for the last week I’ve just been thinking “JUST ONE MORE WEEK! Don’t come yet, Muffin!” And she gallantly obeyed. Of course, now she will hold out until, like, mid January, instead of coming on Boxing Day!

It was my last week in Bilo for a while, and had to wrap up all my marking, reporting and general school business. It was strange because, although I was so excited to be leaving on Maternity leave and obviously over the moon that Muffin was getting closer to being born, I felt two things at leaving work;

a)   Guilt.

b)  A sense of worthlessness and like I was easily replaced!

Both are irrational and certainly not suggested by the majority of the lovely people I work with, however present nonetheless.  The guilt stems from my necessity to please people, and my hatred of having other people do things for me. Leaving two weeks before the end of the term made me feel like I was abandoning my 8’s and 9’s (and like I didn’t love them enough!) and giving work to my colleagues who would have to take my classes. I did my best to prepare lessons etc, and of course I marked all their work and did all their reporting, even the week after I finished school, but still felt like I could have been there. I mean, come on, the baby isn’t literally pushing her way out of my uterus at this very moment – couldn’t I have held out another couple of weeks? Am I just a pussy?

Answer: No. Last week it hit 40 degrees Celsius and I struggled to complete my reporting in the air conditioning at home, let alone standing in front of 30 kids keeping them entertained for 70mins at a time when all they want to do is go on holidays. So, shut up, Rhona, and get over it. If you died, life would go on.

This leads to point b) Worthlessness and being replaced.

So the kids don’t need me. Big deal. Being the Libran that I am (and the drama queen) I like to be needed, wanted, doted upon and sought after. Being a teacher is quite great in this regard because it is a mutual respect and ‘need’ of one another (teacher and students) that makes the symbiotic relationship work. They need me, I, in turn, need them in order to do my job. I also enjoy it. So despite the few cards and gifts some of my gorgeous students presented me with in my last week, I felt useless and replaced. Of course, this was bound to happen next year when they get a new teacher and I am no longer a part of their learning life, but it happened because of my ‘inability’ to continue to work – which goes back to the guilt thing. So, does leaving work two weeks before the end of term make me a bad teacher, a worthless teacher or easily replaced?

Answer: No. Shut up, Rhona, get over it. You are well liked, you will be missed, many have said so – just take the compliment and let them get on with their lives.

Basically, I am trapped in a glass cage of emotion. Handing my laptop and keys in turned out to be more emotional than I had previously thought. It all happened so quickly. One minute I’m pushing my students to complete their assessment and getting whined at, fought with, and asked a million questions, and the next they have moved on. Such is the life of a teacher. I have a feeling that being a mother will be just as fulfilling, guilt riddled and emotionally traumatising as being a teacher. Probably more so. YAY!

Saturday then had the hubby’s Christmas party to attend (no alcohol for me, obviously, despite the free bar and my favourite wine being part of it!) where I instead ravelled in the free icecream van, face-painting and fireworks (10 Minutes of amazing fireworks!) whilst avoiding the alcohol, free ADULT SIZED bouncy castle, mechanical bull, and the dodgem cars. Yes, his Christmas party has all those things. And he organised it. He is amazing, to say the least. However I didn’t get to play on any of the cool toys this year (NEXT YEAR I WILL MAKE UP FOR IT!!!! MWAHAHA!). Amazing night with great people and food and lots of schmoozing.

 

Justin and I at the QNP Christmas Party :)

 

Finally, on Sunday, we got ready to perform at the Biloela Christmas Carols. My co-coach and I needed to ensure our Cheerleaders performed beautifully (which, of course, they did!) and that their costumes were complete (this took all of my morning – cutting, adjusting and adding giant bows to sparkle skirts…). Finally I prettied myself up (OMG How great it feels to put make-up on and a nice dress – sans heels and added large bump) in Christmas dress with pretty ribbons in hair etc, and headed to the Christmas Carols.  But, of course, the night couldn’t go drama-free.

On the way there (whilst driving two friends) I was pulled up by the police! For ‘failure to give way’ and ‘speeding’. The reasoning was that I pulled out in front of the cop car (which was, in my opinion, a fair distance away!) but the police woman said she had to break for me. In between the police car and me was  a pedestrian crossing and around about 30metres. Anyway – this was my first offence. The second offence was ‘speeding’:
Police Officer: Do you know what the speed zone is?
Me: Sixty.
Police Officer: And what speed were you doing.
Me: (adamantly) Sixty.
Police Officer: Well I had to do eighty to catch up with you.
Me: ?!?

So if I was consistently doing sixty, and they had to do a u-turn (after I’d turned out before them and had a good minute head start) she certainly wouldn’t have been able to catch me doing exactly the same speed as me. Right? Isn’t that just logic?

Anyway – I tried to look as pregnant as possible and smile a lot and hope that she reduced my sentence to a minimum (OH GOD MY BABY WILL BE BORN IN PRISON!)
She took my license for checking and came back about 5 minutes later:
Police Officer: Well, you have no prior traffic violations, so I can tell you’re not a rubbish driver, but I have to tell you that if you had failed to give way and someone had hit you, it would be your fault. And your insurance wouldn’t cover it… (pause)… well actually it would, but you would still be at fault. So, just be more careful next time.
Me outwardly: I will. Thanks. Have a great day.
Me inwardly: I am so confused. WTF just happened?

So thankfully, no tickets, no fines, and no points lost, but otherwise a very confused and unsure citizen.

We made it to the Christmas Carols in one piece, got our cheerleaders ready, plonked ourselves on the ground and ran around for two hours cueing kids and myself as to when we had to be onstage.

Lynesha and I arriving at Carols (Obviously she is the skinny, non-pregnant dancer while I am the whale in red - Yes, I wore the same dress two nights in a row - it is a luxury to have a fitting piece of clothing that looks good!)

Me singing onstage while the lovely cheerleaders (with their backs to the camera!) start their dance below (All I want for Christmas - is YOU!)




I did not forget my words and managed to hit all the notes (kudos to all the friends and cheerleaders in the crowd who said lovely things and cheered me on!), the cheerleaders (and Lynesha!!) did an amazing job, and the choir sounded beautiful (Well done Maddi!). All in all, very successful night.
Strangely enough, my thighs and butt are killing me today because of all the getting up off the ground, sitting down again, getting up, sitting down again. I’m not used to sitting on the ground on a picnic blanket at 37 weeks pregnant!!
Monday finally arrived, where we packed all my things (and baby’s things!) into two cars, said goodbye to Justin (who has to work for another 2 weeks!) and Mum, Dad, the dogs, and I convoyed off in the direction of the Sunshine Coast.

Me with the rest of Muffin's clothes that I brought down with me!

 

Goodbye Biloela – I’ll see you next with a bundle of joy in my arms J

2.5 weeks and counting (to the E.D.D!)

Love
Rhonie

The Commencement of Human-to-Whale Metamorphosis and the Effect it has on My Fragile Psyche

The commencement of human-to-whale metamorphosis and the Effect it has on my fragile psyche...

Week of Pregnancy: 15

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Large Lemon -  between 50 – 70 grams. Also, his/her legs are no longer tooth-picky! Yay!

Cravings: Fricking junk food. God dammit I am trying so hard to be healthyyyyyy!

Aversions: Squishy fruit and eggs... okay not really ‘aversions’, I just don’t want to eat them. Also, taking my pre-natal vitamin, fish-oil tablet and inner-health plus thingy make me gag.

Husband’s excitement metre: Back to the telling me to shut up about baby names. Jealous that I am on holidays (for another few days) and can take naps every afternoon. YEAH NANA NAPS!

Okay – so the beginning of my human-to-whale metamorphosis is starting. There is a bump. A BUMP! And not just a fat bump (though that’s there too, on top of the baby-bump)!  THERE’S A BABY IN THERE! I can no longer fit in my jeans. Stockings hurt and make it hard to breathe as they crush everything together while trying to make me skinnier. My shirts all make me look podgy, and, to be honest, I kind of am. I still haven't gained much weight (a total of 1.5kgs in 15 weeks!), but I assume I'll be gaining a lot more in the coming months. It's definitely baby weight - it's all in the tummy, very little (extra) on the butt/thigh region, and an immense amount of mass on my copious bust. My bras don't fit (just to make you feel uncomfortable). And very few places stock attractive looking, non-beige, larger-bust bras. Am not looking forward to breast feeding, for fear of crushing my child. (Can this happen? Is this possible?! Please clarify!)

Though sometimes I wonder if I just ate a lot of cookies (which I have been doing lately – and feeling very ashamed), mostly I am having mixed feelings of excitement (YAY! New life, baby joy and all that jazz) and terror (holy crap there’s something growing in my UTERUS! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!) which is quite exhausting.

This week, my energy is back, which I have considered to be a side effect of the weight/mass gain. It is my way of saying 'I"M STILL USEFUL! Don't count me out yet! I may be pregnant but I can still contribute to society! Just because I struggle to button my jeans doesn't mean I can't think, dammit!"

Everyone keeps telling me (midwife included) don’t overdo it - this will wane after the second trimester! Listen to your body! 

Well... I’m listening and all that happens is a packet of cookies is suddenly empty and I’m considering buying a dilapitated house just to have something to 'fix' (though I'm sure the boredom will cease when school goes back on Monday). 

Is this a sign of things to come? Will I be one of ‘those’ mums that begin to write polls on what to have for dinner, or experiments with making different types of cabbage soup? If/when this happens, I give you permission to slap me.

So, yes, going a little insane from my diagnosis of ‘confinement’ – which means 'pregnancy' in olden-day terms when they locked women away to hide their 'condition' from society –but I feel that has mostly to do with the fact that it is holidays. I am no longer allowed to drink away my boredom with friends, but instead must be said designated driver for friends/husband. Which is no problem, really, except I get bored really easily and alcohol has a way of making you forget you’re bored a lot of the time.  I miss Moscato. So, instead, I got busy. I have so far

• made two tutus
• read The Hunger Games series
•  written a new song
• gone for too many hot-chocolates at the local coffee shop
•  planted eight new plants into pots on my front veranda
•  re-arranged and cleaned the house, made a batch of scones and several home-cooked meals from scratch (which are a rarity during term time) And;
•  watched too many cancelled TV shows (How is Jersey Shore still going into season 5, and Firefly was cancelled?!? Oh the humanity!)
•  all while knitting too many scarves.

In between, in moments where I planned my next energetic project, I have been trolling internet sites for interesting things to keep me entertained;

• www.slaymyboredom.com is good (but can be rude)
• www.pinterest.com is another with so many cool ideas and pictures
• and the ever-favourite... www.facebook.com  Ahhh facey... even you bore me these days.

·         And have been comparing my life to the People of Walmart photographs, and have felt comparatively better about my figure and dress sense. At least I don’t wear flesh-coloured bike shorts.

So, yes, now I should probably go and, oh, I don’t know, plan all my lessons for the term. Sounds like a plan...

Just so you all know, I’m sure this newfound burst of energy will go on FOREVER!! FOREVER I TELL YOU! Pregnant women are never tired!

Sincerely,

Rhona in Denial.

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL AND KITTENS AND LOUD NOISES MAKE ME CRY!

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL AND KITTENS AND LOUD NOISES MAKE ME CRY!

Week of Pregnancy: 12 *YAY* Nearly finished First Trimester!

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Large Plum

Cravings: Darrell Lea Red Licorice... but this used to be a craving before I got knocked up....

Aversions: NOT MEAT! YAY! Capsicum/onion/spices – Uber heartburn.

Husband’s excitement metre: Close to Nil, but his sympathy metre is nearing the top about my fatness and incompetence at keeping my tear ducts in check.

So, last week my nausea stopped, which is great (see previous post for freak out on that), but heartburn and bloating has increased which sucks. Gained a kilo then lost a kilo (WTF? Not complaining though...) and have been eating horribly (Fish & Chips, Subway, red licorice – up to half a packet a night – and cakes, courtesy of my amazing staffroom) But eating horribly comes with the territory of Reporting/Marking weeks at school unfortunately.

This week has been hectic – our entire art room (and staff room) had to be cleared as we’re getting a new floor and the walls are getting painted, reports had to be done by Wednesday, Trying to hand stuff out to kids, but half of them took the week off (lucky bludgers!) and then, of course, our house looks like a bomb site and our kitchen smells like a dump. I feel like a disgusting human being right now, and a horrible home-person, but it’s kind of a given when you have very little time. Also, kind of craving a glass of Moscato; my inner alcoholic is getting the shakes. Instead, have been demoted to designated driver.

In amongst this I had a doc appointment (DISASTER – more on that later), a blood test, and frantically rang around trying to get a booking for an ultrasound on Monday and Tuesday of next week (FAIL! Ended up calling in a favour!) If there’s one thing I’m already regretting, it’s deciding to go to an Obstetrician who lives on the Sunshine Coast, when we live six hours away in Biloela. Smarty-pants me thought this would  be fine, as surely we wouldn’t have to go down too often. Neglected to think about where we would stay (with my lovely brother in uni-housing? Nuuuuu thank-you, or with my parents... no, wait, theyve’ sold their house and jet-setted to Scotland. Good for them!) so our lovely family friend offered us a room! 

So, down to the nitty gritty – What is the general consensus of Week 11/12?

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL!!!! (as stated in title)

"How did this come to be," you ask, “You’re such a stable, normal, person” 

Lol, Jks, I'm a psycho.

So, what has made me more of a psycho than usual? I shall tell you: freaking progesterone. SCREW YOU PROGESTERONE! 

So, on Sunday, Justin told me a sad (but uplifting) story about a lady who went through a bad trauma, something I normally would feel sympathy to, but have the rationality to brush it aside as a tragic accident. Not today. Not if Progesterone has anything to say about it.

Justin: (tells story)... but she’s fine now and has a whole new life.

Me: ... THAT”S SO SAD! *Wails with loud heaving sobs into the pillow*

Justin: Wtf?! I said she's fine now!

Me: BUT WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!?!?! YOU”RE NEVER ALLOWED TO GO AROUND GAS PIPES OR ELECTRICAL LINES!

Justin: (pats shoulder) Okay....

Me: OR WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO EWAN(brother) I WOULD SO BE RIGHT DOWN THERE ALL THE TIME!! HOW CAN THEY NOT EVEN VISIT!!! *wails louder*

Justin: Nothing’s going to happen to Ewan.

ME: And... And... AND I MISS MY MUM!!! *Wails*

(Just for the record – my mum is safe, healthy and happy – but currently in Scotland visiting family.)

ME: AND I”M GETTING FAAAAAAATTTTER!!!!!

Justin: (Unable to keep it in any longer and laughs) Ohhh boy, this is hilarious.

ME: (Semi crying semi laughing and sounding like a crazy person) I KNOW!!!!!!!! I... Can’t... Stooooopppp... CRYING!

This continued for about an hour. Then I got a headache because of the crying and felt worse. Then I had a long nap.

Sunday complete.

Skip to Tuesday Night. I am browsing the internet, procrastinating doing my reporting, and someone posts on Facebook a link entitled ’21 pictures that will restore your faith in humanity.’ Check out the horrifying cuteness here:

Adorable, tear-jerking cuteness.

Me: Oh, Hey, this will be nice and happy and cheer me up. Doobee doobee doo...

First picture is of Christian people apologising for bigotry against gay people. Eyes well up.

Me: That’s so NIIIICE!! People are so NIIIICE! I love people! *crying*

Picture is of two guys rescuing a sheep from the ocean. Almost have to be rescued from my own ocean of tears like a horrible emo.

Me: AWW! They risked their lives for a SHEEP! Humanity is AMAZING!!

Come across pictures of guy rescuing kittens from a flood - flood of tears continues. Then picture is of a fire fighter rescuing a dog from a fire. Crying gets louder and wetter.

Me: That poor dog!!! I hope he’s okay!!! *wail*

And so on and so forth until all 21 pictures are complete.  Crying then refuses to cease for another 30 minutes as I attempt to regain my dignity.

So, to answer the question I’m sure you’re all wondering – am I more overly sensitive, or is my crying-trigger on edge. Answer: Both. Probably. However, I can totally tell I’m being an irrational idiot, thus making it worse, as I irrationally cry about being an irrational idiot.

Tune in next week for more stories of Rhona the irrational crying buffoon (complete with pot-belly - watch her cry about getting fat!)

Peace

(PS: Also - totally share those pictures! They are so lovely! I hope you enjoy them!)