No Touchy! Inappropriate belly touching and discussions of bodily secretions with people I don’t know.

No Touchy! Inappropriate belly touching and discussions of bodily secretions with people I don’t know.

Week of Pregnancy: 18

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Mango! Around 230 grams and growing fast!

Cravings: Still none. Happy to eat half a litre of mango sorbet though (woops)

Aversions: Not a lot. Does housework count?

Husband’s excitement metre: Growing, as potential movements make their debut. Also, he is sick, so this probably kills most of the excitement.

So, this week the cramps have cleared up, still some stretchy feelings happening, but nothing abnormal! Yay! Have worked the whole week, and despite some exhaustion and twingy feelings in the tummy after cheerleading, nothing to call home about!

This week EVERYONE returned home from abandoning me! My brother came to look after me over the weekend (he is super), Justin came back from the snow (dislocated thumb, sore butt and a cold), and my parents came home from Scotland. Exciting or what? Now I can revert to my normal, needy self. 

Another thing that’s happened this week – I’ve popped. Suddenly, I am feeling enormous, none of my pants fit, and I look pregnant. Like, super pregnant. I know I’m only half way through, but I feel enormous! Everything else is the same size, except for the tummy and the boobs. So, of course, it’s a very good excuse to go shopping and show off my amazing new body in slightly larger clothing (More to love). 

So, a dress and a top later, Stacy, Lynesha and I have checked out all the baby clothes in Target Country, and they have promised to help organise my baby shower in November. OHMYGOSH baby clothes are so cute and adorable and seriously tiny! The 0000 clothes are about the smallest things I’ve ever seen in my life!!!! Also so many adorable girl clothes!! Also boy clothes – tiny jackets and shoes! Of course, I am desperate to dress up a daughter in frilly pink jackets and adorable skirts, but would love to dress a little dude up in jeans and mini sneakers! Okay, I know they’re not dolls, but I think I’m allowed a moment of severe girliness.

Back to the topic – larger stomach.

This week have had comments from kids such as:

“OMG Miss! You’re showing! That’s so cute!” – Thanks Year Ten Girl, though I am proud of my baby belly, a girl never wants to hear she’s bigger!

“Miss! Can I touch your belly?!” – No, Year Twelve Girl, you may not. It’s seriously creepy, and, let’s be honest, how much creepier would it be if I wasn’t pregnant?!

“Is it a girl or a boy?” –  Much tougher question.

This is where we enter the debate of how I’m ‘carrying’ the baby (hardly obvious – as I’m only 18 weeks not 30 weeks!) and am told that if I’m carrying high, it’s a boy, if it’s low, it’s a girl. What have I been craving? Sugary foods? Must be a girl, they’re sweet! What about savoury? It’s a boy – they like savoury. What month did I get pregnant in? That has a large say on what the sex of the baby will be, you know. If it’s an odd number month, it’s a boy, where as if it’s an even number month, it’s a girl. Though sometimes prime numbers can be difficult to tell! Finally – the ring trick. Tie a piece of hair onto your wedding ring, hold it over your belly, and if it swings side to side, it’s a girl, if it swings in circles, it’s a boy.

I try hard not to laugh at these wives tales, as some of the people suggesting them really believe they are true. But really, can you tell what sex a baby is from what you are craving? Can you find out by looking at the bump? I have my doubts, but perhaps those more educated than me can tell!

Another thing now that I’m showing – people are totally fine and open with discussing:

A)    How pregnancy happens. Ie; The fact that my husband and I had sex. (But I thought babies were brought by the stork?!)

B)    The things that happen to bodies when you have a baby inside them (Digestion, bodily secretions, birthing etc)

C)     War stories/what is going to happen to you and what happened to them. (Episiotomies, C-sections, twenty-million hour labours)

I don’t mind, it’s just that these things are usually taboo! I'm good with most conversations about weird fetishes, itches and problems of others, but when people are talking about my cervix like it’s on the front page of the newspaper, it kind of freaks me out a bit. The bodily secretions that are expected of pregnant women, bladder control, stretch marks, ‘how’s the sex’ questions, are you planning on having a natural birth or drug up (differing opinions from EVERYONE), will you breast feed or go bottle (again, everyone has an opinion) and, of course, everyone’s opinion is vital.

I don’t mind, in fact, I enjoy the discussions most of the time, but it’s just such a huge difference to not being pregnant. Nobody wants to hear about a non-pregnant girl’s cervix. Now that’s just wrong. But now there’s a baby in there, let’s talk. Well, time to suck it up and enjoy the differing opinions, advice and merry times ahead!

Ultrasound week next week!!! 

Peace

Rhonie

Worries, Stretching, being ALONE!

Worries, Stretching, being ALONE!

Week of Pregnancy: 16 & 17

Food to Fetus Comparison: Sweet Potato/ Around 6 inches and 100 grams.

Cravings: Not a lot. Eating because of boredom and stress, as per pre-pregnancy.

Aversions: Nothing. Like, not even the stuff I’m allergic to... this can’t be good?!

Husband’s excitement metre: Don’t know – he’s abandoned me for the snow...

So I’m tired. Yeah, the energy burst didn’t last forever. Perhaps overdid it during the week of energy. I’m pretty sure I used it all up.

This week (16) we’re back at school, so haven’t had a lot of time to think about what was going on. I’ve been desperately trying to feel movement, but pretty sure I mistake digestion for baby kicking, which I am humble enough to admit. Would really appreciate some movement because, although I’m getting bigger, there are very few actual signs that I am pregnant. Except for scary ones, which is typical, now that I am on my own for 8 days and live in a tiny town an hour and a half from a decent hospital or ultrasound. Awesome. So here’s what’s been going on:

1.      Cramps. Yeah. Not exactly a ‘good’ sign but I’ve been told they are probably round-ligament pains as my uterus is currently the size of a rockmelon (a lot larger than usual, for those who don’t subscribe to ‘Your Uterus and U!’) Was not too worried about these, as google is generally a good judge of medical issues and told me not to worry... UNLESS...

2.      Spotting (light or intermittent bleeding) occurs. Yep. Thanks Google, as soon as I read this, guess what happened. The good news is (probably TMI for most of you) it was definitely old blood, not new, so perhaps a cervix tear as everything expands... and probably from a few days/week ago.

Needless to say, as soon as this happened, I freaked out. Justin is 300000000 km away at Perisher, my Mum and Dad are in Scotland, and my Brother (bless him) never answers his freaking phone, and is still 6 hours away with uni to do. Also, I seem to be having another hormonal surge and cry a lot... for several hours. 

Also I dream about Zombies and have to sleep with the light on.

Fab.

So I call the midwife the next day, during my spare at school. Receptionist promises she will get back to me. Unfortunately we play a bit of phone-tag as I teach three classes and she has patients to see, but finally I call back again, from my car, in my five minutes of spare time before final class on Wednesday.

Me: “Hi Irene, It’s Rhona Bechaz here, I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions about my pregnancy.”

Irene: Fire away, that’s why I’m here!

Me: (Tells tale of cramping and spotting expecting a brush off of ‘don’t worry, that’s perfectly normal’)

Irene: Ah. Okay, you need to go home and lie down.

Me: Uh, what?

Irene: Yes, that’s not a great sign – hopefully it will clear up on it’s own but you should really lie down for a couple of days and not do anything.

Me: But... I have athletics carnival tomorrow... I’m integral to the novelty egg-and-spoon event!

Irene: No.

Me: really?

Irene: Go home and stay there for at least two days. In bed. No cleaning, no shopping, no standing.

Me: Holy mother of god what is wrong with me?!?!?!

I then proceed to cry a lot after hanging up. Not great, as I still have to teach a class of grade 8’s in 5 minutes time. I walk into staffroom and cry to Athletics Carnival organisers, who are very understanding. I find out I am not as integral as I thought, and they are able to cover for me. I still feel bad, and kind of in shock, as I rarely take a day off except for when I’m feeling really sick. A couple of cramps and a single spot of blood don’t really rate on my sick metre, but I’m not taking any chances. 

Deputy Principal is also very understanding, but that could be because I look like a panda and am still crying a waterfall. (Hormones and because I’m a bit scared at this point) I attempt to clean my face and teach 70 minutes of grade 8 art, before picking up my stuff and driving home. I sit in bed, cry more, and cuddle my dogs (on the bed... naughty!).

So, all in all, not a fabulous way to end week 16 into 17... but I am guessing my body is telling me to slow down and stop being so busy and stressed. Understandable. 

No cramps today and no spotting since that first time, so I think it was just a warning to slow down and take time doing nothing, which I will attempt to do. It’s really hard, though.

So, wish us luck – Mini-Muffin and Me – until Justin returns to wait on me hand and foot ;).

Love xxx

Dear Mini-Muffin - Week 17

Our Dear Mini-Muffin,

You are Seventeen Weeks and 3 days old today!  

You have grown almost to the size of a small Sweet Potato or a Turnip, according to the blogs your Mummy has been reading.  

You Weigh around 100 grams, and are around six inches long from head to bottom!

We haven’t felt you move yet for definite, but there have been a few flutters in your Mummy’s tummy.  

We saw you jumping up and down like a jumping bean on the sonogram a few weeks ago!  

Mummy is getting bigger and bigger each day. 

 Daddy thinks you might be a girl, while Mummy thinks you might be a boy! 

Our favourite names for you are Max, Sebastian, Tristan, Anastasia, Isla and Eve. 

We had a little scare the other day when Mummy got a sore tummy, but she rested a lot and now it seems everything is dandy! 

 Mummy sings to you and hopes you can hear her. She sings very loudly, so that is quite probable. 

Daddy is at the snow falling off his snowboard a lot and having lots of fun, but rings up to check on you and Mummy each day. 

This is what he might look like snowboarding:

Or it might be this... We will have to see how many bruises he has when he comes home...

We love you very, very much already and can’t wait to see how you’ve grown in our next Sonogram!

Lots of love, 

Mummy and Daddy

The Commencement of Human-to-Whale Metamorphosis and the Effect it has on My Fragile Psyche

The commencement of human-to-whale metamorphosis and the Effect it has on my fragile psyche...

Week of Pregnancy: 15

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Large Lemon -  between 50 – 70 grams. Also, his/her legs are no longer tooth-picky! Yay!

Cravings: Fricking junk food. God dammit I am trying so hard to be healthyyyyyy!

Aversions: Squishy fruit and eggs... okay not really ‘aversions’, I just don’t want to eat them. Also, taking my pre-natal vitamin, fish-oil tablet and inner-health plus thingy make me gag.

Husband’s excitement metre: Back to the telling me to shut up about baby names. Jealous that I am on holidays (for another few days) and can take naps every afternoon. YEAH NANA NAPS!

Okay – so the beginning of my human-to-whale metamorphosis is starting. There is a bump. A BUMP! And not just a fat bump (though that’s there too, on top of the baby-bump)!  THERE’S A BABY IN THERE! I can no longer fit in my jeans. Stockings hurt and make it hard to breathe as they crush everything together while trying to make me skinnier. My shirts all make me look podgy, and, to be honest, I kind of am. I still haven't gained much weight (a total of 1.5kgs in 15 weeks!), but I assume I'll be gaining a lot more in the coming months. It's definitely baby weight - it's all in the tummy, very little (extra) on the butt/thigh region, and an immense amount of mass on my copious bust. My bras don't fit (just to make you feel uncomfortable). And very few places stock attractive looking, non-beige, larger-bust bras. Am not looking forward to breast feeding, for fear of crushing my child. (Can this happen? Is this possible?! Please clarify!)

Though sometimes I wonder if I just ate a lot of cookies (which I have been doing lately – and feeling very ashamed), mostly I am having mixed feelings of excitement (YAY! New life, baby joy and all that jazz) and terror (holy crap there’s something growing in my UTERUS! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!) which is quite exhausting.

This week, my energy is back, which I have considered to be a side effect of the weight/mass gain. It is my way of saying 'I"M STILL USEFUL! Don't count me out yet! I may be pregnant but I can still contribute to society! Just because I struggle to button my jeans doesn't mean I can't think, dammit!"

Everyone keeps telling me (midwife included) don’t overdo it - this will wane after the second trimester! Listen to your body! 

Well... I’m listening and all that happens is a packet of cookies is suddenly empty and I’m considering buying a dilapitated house just to have something to 'fix' (though I'm sure the boredom will cease when school goes back on Monday). 

Is this a sign of things to come? Will I be one of ‘those’ mums that begin to write polls on what to have for dinner, or experiments with making different types of cabbage soup? If/when this happens, I give you permission to slap me.

So, yes, going a little insane from my diagnosis of ‘confinement’ – which means 'pregnancy' in olden-day terms when they locked women away to hide their 'condition' from society –but I feel that has mostly to do with the fact that it is holidays. I am no longer allowed to drink away my boredom with friends, but instead must be said designated driver for friends/husband. Which is no problem, really, except I get bored really easily and alcohol has a way of making you forget you’re bored a lot of the time.  I miss Moscato. So, instead, I got busy. I have so far

• made two tutus
• read The Hunger Games series
•  written a new song
• gone for too many hot-chocolates at the local coffee shop
•  planted eight new plants into pots on my front veranda
•  re-arranged and cleaned the house, made a batch of scones and several home-cooked meals from scratch (which are a rarity during term time) And;
•  watched too many cancelled TV shows (How is Jersey Shore still going into season 5, and Firefly was cancelled?!? Oh the humanity!)
•  all while knitting too many scarves.

In between, in moments where I planned my next energetic project, I have been trolling internet sites for interesting things to keep me entertained;

• www.slaymyboredom.com is good (but can be rude)
• www.pinterest.com is another with so many cool ideas and pictures
• and the ever-favourite... www.facebook.com  Ahhh facey... even you bore me these days.

·         And have been comparing my life to the People of Walmart photographs, and have felt comparatively better about my figure and dress sense. At least I don’t wear flesh-coloured bike shorts.

So, yes, now I should probably go and, oh, I don’t know, plan all my lessons for the term. Sounds like a plan...

Just so you all know, I’m sure this newfound burst of energy will go on FOREVER!! FOREVER I TELL YOU! Pregnant women are never tired!

Sincerely,

Rhona in Denial.

The Story of Rhona and the Burmese GP, Sonograms and Blood Tests.

Quacks, Blood Tests and Sonograms!

 

Week of Pregnancy: 13/14 – Apparently we were a week behind according to our sonographer J

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: size of Lemon – approx 47g – and still growing! (Approx 10cm from head to toe)

Cravings: Nothing. I don’t want to eat. (Who are you and what have you done with Rhona?!)

Aversions: Meh – just don’t want to eat.

Husband’s excitement metre: Upping the scale – especially with the sonogram!

So this week’s excitement started with me getting a lot fatter all at once, and not from eating (although later it was from eating...)! Now my fat jeans won’t fit unless I tuck them under the ‘bump’ that is forming. Also, boobs are freaking massive. Justin somehow does not mind this new happening, however I find myself running into things and knocking things off tables at chest height where before I would have squeezed past with an inch to spare. Damn you hormones! 

Secondly, we are about to complete the first trimester, which ultimately means much less risk of miscarriage. Of course, this is awesome, but doesn’t stop me worrying. For a while I think ‘maybe I’m just getting fat and the baby isn’t really there anymore’ – from previous experience, miscarriages can be rather uneventful and it scares me how silent and unnoticed they can go for a while. But, as I’ve had no symptoms of miscarriage or anything else ‘wrong’, I choose to try and stay positive and not worry. Worrying makes you stress, and stress is not good for many reasons. 

I promise myself I will eat healthily over the school holidays. This does nto start well as we have fish and chips for dinner on Thursday, Thai for dinner on Friday (damned social obligations!! Haha), and (I’m ashamed to say) fish and chips again on Sunday. This is horrific. I blame the weather and my exhaustion, and conveniently leave out my laziness and the fact I don’t really want to cook.

Apart from my horrible diet (IT WILL GET BETTER! I SWEAR! Look, I’m getting out the dried apricots and walnuts!) a couple more exciting and frustrating things have occurred over the last week.

IT”S ULTRASOUND WEEK!!! WOOOO!

But I’ll get to that in a minute. First, the story of Rhona (NOT A RACIST!) and the Burmese GP. 

In order to see my obstetrician, I need to get a referral from the GP... so I make an appointment and toddle down to the practice on Thursday morning in my spare. 

I wait 50 minutes past my appointment time, am still not taken in, and tell the receptionist that I have to go back to school to, you know, do my job. Kind of understandable - these things can happen.

She makes me an appointment for 4pm, and I promise to return.

*Skip day of teaching wherein we find we have to move everything out of our rooms for painting and flooring by the next morning... but that’s another story*

At 4pm I toddle back to the GP, who only makes me wait 40 minutes this time (Score!!) he is a very nice man who happens to have a very thick Burmese accent that I find hard to understand sometimes (awkward!). He then proceeds to tell me I am a) 22 weeks pregnant , b) maybe I will need a blood test.

Sigh. This will be harder than first thought.

I politely tell him ‘No – I’m around 12 weeks pregnant – here’s my ultrasound from 6 weeks, and that was 6 weeks ago’

Dr: “It’s very small”.

Me: “WHAT? They didn’t say anything about it being small!”

Dr: “It’s very small for 12 weeks”.

Me: Sigh... That’s because it’s 6 weeks at the time of the ultrasound.

Dr: “Ah. Well then it’s fine.”

I quietly try not to blow him up with my mind.

Secondly, as I explain to him, I will not only need a NUCHAL SONOGRAM, but I will also need a NUCHAL BLOOD TEST. (Nuchal tests discern things like possibility of Down’s Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities quite early in the pregnancy – Justin and I both decided we want to know anything and everything as early as we can.)

Dr says that is fine, happily writes me a referral to my Obstetrician, referral for blood test and sonogram. Whew! Mission complete. (Though on my referral form he does put 22 weeks, and some other incorrect things)

Disclaimer: Not many GP’s – and perhaps not this one either – are complete imbeciles. Perhaps it was the language gap, perhaps he’d just had a long day, but he pretty much screwed up everything he possibly could. Please note – he is a lovely guy and I’m sure he’s done wonderful things for many people. Just not me.

Also Justin told me I was being racist because he was Burmese. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him, not because he was from another country or I couldn't understand him all the time, but because he seemed rather incompetent. We agree to disagree. I decide to see the other Burmese doctor next time, as perhaps he will be a lot better.

SO! Skip several days to ULTRASOUND DAY!!! WOO!

Got blood test on Friday morning (easily! Apparently being pregnant makes it easy to find my veins – one jab and six vials later I am a little less blood-filled.)

And go in to get my Nuchal sonogram, husband by my side.

After a 6 hour drive we toddle in to the radiology clinic looking a little bedraggled - less like Sunshine Coast Chic and more like Biloela Hick (PS: Biloelians are not hicks, just to clarify, we simply dress very differently to the Sunshine Coasters in their boutique slacks and fifty dollar thongs) and check in. She asks for my blood results, and I hand them over.

Bronwyn the lovely receptionist: Are these your only blood results?

Me: Yeeees... (confused)

Bronwyn: Hmm... well, your doctor has ordered you first trimester bloods, rather than nuchal. I can’t do the nuchal scan.

Me: WHAT? (Actually do try to blow up GP with my mind)

Bronwyn: Wait – let’s call him and see if I can get a referral for another blood test – you can go next door – and then we can do the sonogram.

Me: (Pretending to be calm) Sounds great. Thanks so much for your help.

I give Justin the ‘I told you I wasn’t being racist, that GP really is a Quack’ look. He rolls his eyes as a gesture of surrender (or at least that’s what I make of it).

Bronwyn: Also, he hasn’t ordered you a nuchal scan, he’s ordered you a vascular and uterine ultrasound.

Me: What are they?

Bronwyn: For veins and uterus. Not pregnancy.

Me: (Plotting GP's murder) Okay... So where does this leave us?

Bronwyn agrees we can still get the ultrasound done. I jump for joy inwardly, as I am rather tired at this point and all these ‘bad omens’ are not pointing toward a good ultrasound. My superstitious side sometimes gets out of control, if I’m completely honest.Thank God they don't allow black cats into the radiology clinic.

GP sends through form, I get another blood test (whoopee?!) and we go in for the ultrasound.

All the screw ups, the waiting, the blood tests and the stress are worth it. 

We see little Mini-Muffin looking like an actual person – not an alien – and he/she is moving around like a little jumping bean!

ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!!!!

I have a little cry and Justin squeezes my hand tightly, though he swears he didn’t tear up at the sight of our 14 week old unborn child. Too early to find out the sex, but our lovely radiologist tells us he/she looks healthy, good size (for 14 weeks! Woops! A week behind!) and very unlikely any abnormalities. 

Mini-Muffin jumps for joy, rests his/her head on hand, pushes up against the side of my uterus with his/her little legs to stretch out. I think it has Justin’s nose, but he disagrees. 

For 20 minutes I couldn’t take my eyes of the screen. I laughed a lot, which didn’t help and made the poor thing jiggle around like it was on a rollercoaster, but it was just amazing.

Here is the little face that made everything worth it:

Love

Rhonie xxx

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL AND KITTENS AND LOUD NOISES MAKE ME CRY!

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL AND KITTENS AND LOUD NOISES MAKE ME CRY!

Week of Pregnancy: 12 *YAY* Nearly finished First Trimester!

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Large Plum

Cravings: Darrell Lea Red Licorice... but this used to be a craving before I got knocked up....

Aversions: NOT MEAT! YAY! Capsicum/onion/spices – Uber heartburn.

Husband’s excitement metre: Close to Nil, but his sympathy metre is nearing the top about my fatness and incompetence at keeping my tear ducts in check.

So, last week my nausea stopped, which is great (see previous post for freak out on that), but heartburn and bloating has increased which sucks. Gained a kilo then lost a kilo (WTF? Not complaining though...) and have been eating horribly (Fish & Chips, Subway, red licorice – up to half a packet a night – and cakes, courtesy of my amazing staffroom) But eating horribly comes with the territory of Reporting/Marking weeks at school unfortunately.

This week has been hectic – our entire art room (and staff room) had to be cleared as we’re getting a new floor and the walls are getting painted, reports had to be done by Wednesday, Trying to hand stuff out to kids, but half of them took the week off (lucky bludgers!) and then, of course, our house looks like a bomb site and our kitchen smells like a dump. I feel like a disgusting human being right now, and a horrible home-person, but it’s kind of a given when you have very little time. Also, kind of craving a glass of Moscato; my inner alcoholic is getting the shakes. Instead, have been demoted to designated driver.

In amongst this I had a doc appointment (DISASTER – more on that later), a blood test, and frantically rang around trying to get a booking for an ultrasound on Monday and Tuesday of next week (FAIL! Ended up calling in a favour!) If there’s one thing I’m already regretting, it’s deciding to go to an Obstetrician who lives on the Sunshine Coast, when we live six hours away in Biloela. Smarty-pants me thought this would  be fine, as surely we wouldn’t have to go down too often. Neglected to think about where we would stay (with my lovely brother in uni-housing? Nuuuuu thank-you, or with my parents... no, wait, theyve’ sold their house and jet-setted to Scotland. Good for them!) so our lovely family friend offered us a room! 

So, down to the nitty gritty – What is the general consensus of Week 11/12?

I AM A HORMONAL WRECKING BALL!!!! (as stated in title)

"How did this come to be," you ask, “You’re such a stable, normal, person” 

Lol, Jks, I'm a psycho.

So, what has made me more of a psycho than usual? I shall tell you: freaking progesterone. SCREW YOU PROGESTERONE! 

So, on Sunday, Justin told me a sad (but uplifting) story about a lady who went through a bad trauma, something I normally would feel sympathy to, but have the rationality to brush it aside as a tragic accident. Not today. Not if Progesterone has anything to say about it.

Justin: (tells story)... but she’s fine now and has a whole new life.

Me: ... THAT”S SO SAD! *Wails with loud heaving sobs into the pillow*

Justin: Wtf?! I said she's fine now!

Me: BUT WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!?!?! YOU”RE NEVER ALLOWED TO GO AROUND GAS PIPES OR ELECTRICAL LINES!

Justin: (pats shoulder) Okay....

Me: OR WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO EWAN(brother) I WOULD SO BE RIGHT DOWN THERE ALL THE TIME!! HOW CAN THEY NOT EVEN VISIT!!! *wails louder*

Justin: Nothing’s going to happen to Ewan.

ME: And... And... AND I MISS MY MUM!!! *Wails*

(Just for the record – my mum is safe, healthy and happy – but currently in Scotland visiting family.)

ME: AND I”M GETTING FAAAAAAATTTTER!!!!!

Justin: (Unable to keep it in any longer and laughs) Ohhh boy, this is hilarious.

ME: (Semi crying semi laughing and sounding like a crazy person) I KNOW!!!!!!!! I... Can’t... Stooooopppp... CRYING!

This continued for about an hour. Then I got a headache because of the crying and felt worse. Then I had a long nap.

Sunday complete.

Skip to Tuesday Night. I am browsing the internet, procrastinating doing my reporting, and someone posts on Facebook a link entitled ’21 pictures that will restore your faith in humanity.’ Check out the horrifying cuteness here:

Adorable, tear-jerking cuteness.

Me: Oh, Hey, this will be nice and happy and cheer me up. Doobee doobee doo...

First picture is of Christian people apologising for bigotry against gay people. Eyes well up.

Me: That’s so NIIIICE!! People are so NIIIICE! I love people! *crying*

Picture is of two guys rescuing a sheep from the ocean. Almost have to be rescued from my own ocean of tears like a horrible emo.

Me: AWW! They risked their lives for a SHEEP! Humanity is AMAZING!!

Come across pictures of guy rescuing kittens from a flood - flood of tears continues. Then picture is of a fire fighter rescuing a dog from a fire. Crying gets louder and wetter.

Me: That poor dog!!! I hope he’s okay!!! *wail*

And so on and so forth until all 21 pictures are complete.  Crying then refuses to cease for another 30 minutes as I attempt to regain my dignity.

So, to answer the question I’m sure you’re all wondering – am I more overly sensitive, or is my crying-trigger on edge. Answer: Both. Probably. However, I can totally tell I’m being an irrational idiot, thus making it worse, as I irrationally cry about being an irrational idiot.

Tune in next week for more stories of Rhona the irrational crying buffoon (complete with pot-belly - watch her cry about getting fat!)

Peace

(PS: Also - totally share those pictures! They are so lovely! I hope you enjoy them!)

Less Nausea and More Worrying That My Baby Will Turn Out Like a Square Watermelon

When not wanting to vomit makes you want to vomit...

Week of Pregnancy: 11

Fruit to Fetus Comparison: Small Apricot

General feeling: Less bloated, but feeling an actual protuberance from my lower abdomen – possibly uterus? Who knows these days. Feeling fat regardless.

Husband's excitement rating: ‘Meh’ but actually suggested a couple of baby names this week – so perhaps excitement is growing? Still peeved about my addiction to pregnancy apps on the iPhone.

So, apparently, the more nausea you have during pregnancy, the healthier the baby (according to several of my friends), which was great... until all forms of nausea ceased one day and never came back. Now I’m having a small freak out and actually wish I was feeling sicker. Yeah, I’ve gone wrong somewhere along the line, but the nausea was a factual happening that encouraged me to believe I really was pregnant, not just fat (that, and the pregnancy test, and sonogram). Now that it’s gone, I kind of wonder whether I still am pregnant. I know, weird, as I still have the cravings and aversions (to a lesser extent- trying my first steak tonight!) still get horrible heartburn that I’ve never had before, am still exhausted constantly and sleeping up to twelve hours when given the chance, but I guess not wanting to throw up has really got me worried.

So I googled it.

MISTAAAAAAAAKE! 

Half the websites said it was fine and normal (Yay!), and the other half told me something was horribly wrong. HORRIBLY! YOUR BABY MAY HAVE THE UGLINESS GENE! The sicker the mother, the healthier the baby! Your baby must not be very healthy! OMG LOOK OUT IT COULD BE AN ALIEN!

Stupid mothering board. Not to mention a lot of the mothers that use those boards are bitches. Seriously! I wonder if you just grow a bitch gene because you become a mother. Well, soon to find out! (Honestly – I know plenty of mothers in real life who are lovely and total non-bitches! Just a lot of haters on the internet!)

So I learned my lesson. No more internet mothering-boards.

But while we're on the topic of stupid people: Who invented half of these pregnancy apps you can get on your phone. Granted, I have about five (no joke! I want to be prepared - I check them daily while eating my morning toast) but they all contradict each other!! Eg: Week 11 - baby size: 5 cm, 7cm, 3cm, 5.4cm, the size of a small apricot.  I went with the fruit measurement as it felt tastier. Then, they have things like :

To Do List:

1 - schedule blood test (Check)2 - Get massage. (Uh... okay... is this compulsory? Do all expectant mothers get massages at 12 weeks?)

3 - Spend five minutes a day thinking about your baby. Are you freaking kidding? It is constantly on my mind 24/7 - the worries, the excitement, the bloating, the nausea, the lack of nausea! I'm lucky to get 5 minutes of not thinking about it! 

In saying that, I'm a bit addicted to the apps, and will not be deleting them unless they get really stupid. Also they show me 'what your fetus could look like' which is quite exciting. It's looking less like an alien and more like a small monkey right now :)

Next: All of my clothing (except my fat jeans & hoodies) is slightly too tight. Have been wearing a lot of stockings due to cold weather, and constantly have small freakouts that because they come up to the belly button (granny stockings) my uterus somehow won’t grow outwards and my baby will be long and thin. Irrational, but something to ponder. Is this how they create square watermelons?

Finally (I’ll shut up in a second) I can’t eat like I used to. I used to be able to (on a hungry day) put away a whole foot-long sub from subway no problems, and simply feel full after. Now I have to take it in sections, a quarter every half an hour. I am still determined to eat it (pretty healthy after all and I’m too busy to cook much at the moment!) but it takes a while. All our home cooked meals I’ve halved my portions. I thought you were meant to eat more while pregnant? Apparently this will be like a diet for me... for now!! Now that I can eat meat again, I plan on having a couple of steaks before the week is out.

Peace!

Edit: Successfully have put away two steak and veg dinners (not the whole lot but a good portion) and two healthy hamburger lunches over the past few days. Thanks to those who didn’t give up on my carnivorous nature. I love you guys!